When we went for the test drive, I was pretty much ready to buy the car right there. When we got out of the car, I said, "I am interested in getting this car. What do I need to do next to make that happen?"
The response that I got stopped me in my tracks. With a lilt to his head and a tone that spoke he was trying to sell me something, he said, "Trust me. I got your back."
All the rapport he had spent building was gone in one 5 second exchange. He had gone from someone that was interested in what I was looking for to someone that appeared to have dollar signs in his eyes.
The fundamentals of trust are so delicate and require constant vigilance as for one wrong move can damage it irreparably. It boils down to behaviors and the underlying micromessaging that we convey on a day-to-day basis. It is the baseline required for good relationships no matter the context; significant other, child, employee, friend, manager, or parent.
Trust is what makes it possible for individuals to have a short conversation and respond with, "I understand. How do I help?" It is also what causes individuals to dig deeper when they hear a new idea because "it just doesn't sit right with them."
When you consider that all individuals in a relationship start on day 1 from a neutral standpoint, trust is like the freshly potted plant from the floral shop that is just to be planted.
Given that knowledge, what can you do to grow your plant effectively?
- Be the example of integrity
- Set and meet expectations
- Be humble and kind
Each of these has individual behaviors you can exhibit on a day-to-day basis. When stray from this in your relationships, you will find that you will have created negative influence/trust for yourself.
Be the example of integrity can be exemplified in many ways; choosing to do the right thing versus wanting to be right, taking responsibility for doing something wrong or making an error, being honest, giving credit, or being sincere. While these are some examples, there are many more micro-actions you can take to help be the role model of integrity.
Set and meet expectations is grounded in clear communications with all individuals. Whether it is through project schedules and committing to timelines for the big project or through planning a date night your significant other, the core still applies. Define the outcome and make sure you each have shared understanding and beliefs. Missed expectations are often not about what was delivered, but what was left unsaid.
Be kind and be humble are about the concept of "the Mom sniff test," but especially about being generous with ourselves. Share your time, your experiences, your lessons, and your beliefs and you will find people willing to share the same with you as well. This creation of shared understanding enables clarity of thought and language profile.
Like any plant, trust requires care and feeding and without it, trust will atrophy. When you invest the time and effort, you will see the relationship flourish and continue to grow over time.
What do you do to build trust within your relationships?
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