In the book "Micromessaging," there is a reference to a study by Robert Rosenthal about the testing of rats. In that study, there was one group of rats and it was shown to two different groups. In one test, the group was told that these rats were exceptional. The second group was told that these rats were not especially bright. In both, they were expected to give their observations about the rats.
Strangely enough, the group that was told about how smart the rats were gave observations that supported that assertion; conversely, the group that was told the rats were not especially bright shared that perception. When you begin looking at the behavioral characteristics through a pre-filtered lens, it has a deeper impact that we realize.
Another example the author focuses on is the introduction of two individuals. "Steve" is introduced with what their responsibilities are, the tone of the voice is somewhat flat, and the individual is standing behind the introducer. "Bob," however, is introduced with "and this is Bob," the tone is much more animated, and Bob is patted on the back as they are standing diagonal to the introducer.
- While each person is introduced with nothing wrong said, which person do you want to meet?
- Which person is the one that is going places?
- How did you tell?
The author laser focuses in on the how did you tell and points out the responsibility of the speaker in delivering a balanced message. Without intending, we deliver these messages every day.
Think back on the last time someone you didn't want to chat with to stopped by your office or your home. Did you check your email, look at the clock, not meet eye contact, or respond without any real affect to your voice? Each of those are micromessages that scream to the recipient that I would rather be doing something else.
This book is a great read to be self-critical in how we message things and, more importantly, how we communicate things we may not have intended. This applies to any relationship and articulates the adage that you get exactly what you put into any relationship.
Things to consider when communicating:
- Tone and inflection of your voice - are you animated or does it sound like drudgery even to you
- Attention and focus on the speaker - are you making eye contact
- Vocabulary - do you hold words that could be considered praise in reserve
- Body language - are you slouched or are you looking at your monitor or are you leaning forward and listening intently
While this list is not comprehensive, the key message the author tries to convey is that we control the richness of our relationships through the engagement we provide. If you provide positive messaging, you will likely receive a positive outcome. If you provide negative messaging, you will likely receive a negative outcome.
If you as the speaker have this much control, how much are you willing to work to ensure your relationships develop with intention?
